Since talking about my not believing in marriage anymore, I'm starting to get asked: "if you don't believe in marriage anymore, then...what DO you believe in? Should people just live the rest of their lives alone? Or that you advocate living in "sin"?"
I don't make impulsive statements. Especially one that heavy. If you ever do hear something out of me, it's usually because I've thought it over 1000 times, thought it through again and thought it through some more... And I contemplated that question. I don't really have an easy answer...it's a simple one, but I know all too well that in life, "easy" and "simple" ARE NOT always one & the same...Letting go of a belief that you've known & lived with all your life, even though it doesn't serve you and holds you back from what you really want, is a scary thing. Sometimes, for some people, it's too scary to even THINK about, let alone WANT to try...
What I believe instead:
1)Promising your partner forever SEEMS like the greatest, most romantic, loving thing you can do (not to mention it makes for great photos and looks even BETTER ON PAPER). But, as I said earlier, such a promise can lead to bad things...Complacency, boredom, taking that person for granted. Not to mention, it's impossible/unrealistic to promise your partner 'tomorrow' when 'tomorrow' isn't even a promise you have guaranteed for YOURSELF. How about instead, you promise your partner TODAY? For today, promise your love. Promise yourself. Promise your all. It doesn't have to be a grand ceremony or ritual...that would get really tired...It's whatever comes from your heart. The act of promising your partner 'today' everyday affords you greater freedom to follow your heart than it would to chain yourself to the invisible, intangible concept of "forever". It can all be said in just one look if you're close enough to them... Also, promising them today can be a way of letting them know your being with them comes from YOUR FEELINGS, NOT out of OBLIGATION from making a binding committment (like marriage), which makes your being with them feel MORE like it comes from a place of LOVE as opposed to a SENSE OF DUTY. And if that day comes you can no longer promise them "today", then...at the very least, aren't you glad you didn't throw "forever" at them? It makes for a far cleaner break...
2)Now THIS was a hard one for me to learn. All my life, from just about everywhere, I've been taught to "treat others the way YOU want to be treated".
Real life has pounded this lesson into my head over the years hard and long enough for me to know that THIS TOO is a myth, and it couldn't be more wrong. The trick to it REALLY is: treating others the way THEY want to be treated. Take me, for example. I consider myself to be a romantic, very affectionate person. That's how I WISH I were treated! So, if I were to continue following the way I was taught, I would still be doting on my husband...Striving to be a good wife. Lavishing him with affection, taking every opportunity to do all the little things to let him know I love him. Why? Because that's what I'VE been DYING FOR, and how I NEED to be treated! And HAVE BEEN NEEDING to be treated for YEARS! And what better way to open up the way for reciprocation than to treat him the way I want to be treated? Well, guess what? That's just not the way he thinks. Most (if not all) of my efforts would go by unacknowledged. OR, they would be acknowledged, but not seen as anything special! His idea of being loved is clearly different from mine. And continuing the way I did just led to more disappointment, frustration and hurt feelings.
Not that it's really his fault (at least not entirely). All this really IS, is one's standards/interpretation for something might just be different than yours. Giving that person YOUR version of that something in the way YOU WANT IT may just very well fly under their radar unnoticed simply because of a mismatch in definition. If what makes them happy is different for them than it is for you, of COURSE they're not going to notice, or have it mean as much to them. What a "duh" moment, you know? *lol* Just because you're close to someone doesn't mean you're in completely in sync, that too is an all too easy assumption to make. Also...I realized that treating someone the way YOU want is inadvertently being selfish in a way. You're imposing your needs onto someone else AND obligating them to reciprocate. It's often an innocent mistake, but before that realization I never was able to figure out why I've gone on for so long living without being "repayed". In case this sounds like this could apply to you, I'd suggest that you stop and take a minute to ask yourself if that's what YOU'RE doing...and take another minute to think of the way your partner might want their needs met differently than yours, and figure out ways you can meet them on THEIR level. It's no magic fix, and there's no guarantee treating them the way they want will inspire them to reciprocate, but it'll open the way for it much more easily than doing it the hard way (treating them the way YOU want to be treated). I know now that all these efforts I've made have been an overshoot. I've learned to scale back...WAY back. It hasn't been easy at all, nor has it "fixed" my problems completely. But it has helped to where I feel now he really DOES give a shit, and that my efforts weren't ENTIRELY a waste... Let's just say this #2 rule has served as my "11th hour miracle" at one point in time...
...And if after trying that, you still feel unfulfilled, and you feel your partner is still out of tune with your needs nor do they have any motivation (or even AWARENESS)towards making you happy, perhaps there is more than just a mismatch of needs/wants and you have just a plain mismatch with the partner in general...Maybe they're too wrapped up in themselves to think about you. Maybe their way of making you feel loved is making you feel needed, so their capacity to show you love is limited to just that. Don't ask me for my opinion on THAT one...at least, not just yet...the verdict's still out on THAT one in MY case *lol*
About the "living in sin" crap... The problem with that, in my eyes, is that the overwhelming majority of people who perpetuate this psychological/emotional abuse either:
1)TALK THE TALK about following the 10 commandments (or even the rules of the bible IN GENERAL), but in reality they treat the 10 commandments(or the rules set in the bible, or select passages) like a menu, picking/enforcing only the ones that are convenient for THEM to follow (or remember to follow), therefore becoming hypocrites who can't be listened to or taken seriously...
Or...
2)Don't realize that the concept of "sin" is just that, a concept...and WORSE, an UNREGULATED one. Example: Give 4 bibles to 4 people and, more often than not, you'll get 4 different interpretations. You get what I mean?
Besides, there's more than enough evidence to for me to conclude that the bible has suffered from the biggest hack job in the history of the world. Who's to say what was originally there and what was edited in/out? Who's to say that what WAS originally there WAS direct from God's mouth, or corrupted by the motive of man? Obscured by man's individual bias (or at least, the bias of whomever individual was holding that pen...er, CHISEL)? BUT...that's another topic...
IMO, so long as there are 2 consenting, unrelated adults who aren't causing harm to anyone or breaking any laws, whose fucking business is it of YOURS? Don't these christians believe that those kind of matters are between the sinner and God? Then why do they take so much liberty to enforce on "His" behalf, which is REALLY more like MEDDLING than enforcing??? What good IS the "christian" way of "enforcing"? What good does it really do? Think about it...does it really make a person stop and think, and inspire themselves to possibly experience a change of heart (or habit)? Or does it make them feel judged, shamed, condemned and hated? I've observed that usually when a christian (or "churchie") points out a "sin" in someone, it's coming from a low-level of thought. Ego based. Which is as far from "Godly-thinking" as the east is from the west. It's ego that compels one to point out a person's supposed inadequacy to make the "enforcer" feel better, perhaps even fooling themselves into thinking they're earning brownie points with God by doing what they're doing. Using the "sinner's" back as a stepstool to heaven. Which is wrong (Do THEY REALLY think that the God they're claiming to serve gets HAPPY to see his "representatives" commit this kind of jackassery?).They may think on the surface they're doing the right thing but on the deeper levels of their mind, they know what they're really doing...or perhaps they're blindly following all they were taught and really DON'T know what they're doing...either way, they're not doing a service to ANYONE by doing that, most CERTAINLY NOT GOD!!! I'm no churchie and even I CAN see THAT!!!
And, the pisser is, it doesn't have to be a public spectacle or physically violent for it to do lasting harm, like the blood-soaked Inquisition, wearing a scarlet letter, or having a mob drag one out of their home and into the streets for a good ol' fashioned stoning...it can be social ostracization, judgements disguised as "advice", a mean-spirited "joke", or it can be as simple, passive and "harmless" as a few snide remarks, whispers amongst a group, or the wrong kind of sideways glance...
Whoops...there I go off-topic again *lol*
What I DO advocate is following one's heart and doing what's right for themselves. If you do that, more often than not, the rest has a way of taking care of itself...That is, depending on IF you HAVE the courage to let go and let your heart lead (it can sure be a wild ride at times *lol*). And I advocate the idea that GOD is TOO BIG to be compartmentalized into any religion or ANY definition, including christianity. And I think that indulging in the human desire of trying to fit "Him" into a box, in and of itself, IS the TRUE sin...Chew on THAT one... :.P
Sunday, March 21, 2010
A-HA!!!
This time off work has helped me figure out my insomnia! I've been suffering from it for years, wondering what was wrong with me. Now that I can go to sleep when I want, I realize that I don't have insomnia after all! All I am is a creature of the night *lol*. If I just embrace that, my body follows it's sleep schedule on it's own and I don't have to struggle to fall asleep...
No more staring at the ceiling for what seems like hours, laying around counting his farts the way normal people count sheep, or reading on the sofa till I fall asleep on it (then have him get mad at me for it), or staying on the computer chatting with my fellow night owl friends (then have him get mad at me for it) or having to get drunk... The only problem is getting woken up in the AM (which to me are the "wee hours") by my giant, hungry man-child...Baby can't feed himself and needs his bottle *rolls eyes*
No more staring at the ceiling for what seems like hours, laying around counting his farts the way normal people count sheep, or reading on the sofa till I fall asleep on it (then have him get mad at me for it), or staying on the computer chatting with my fellow night owl friends (then have him get mad at me for it) or having to get drunk... The only problem is getting woken up in the AM (which to me are the "wee hours") by my giant, hungry man-child...Baby can't feed himself and needs his bottle *rolls eyes*
Wednesday, March 17, 2010
Why I lost faith in marriage...
I think marriage in and of itself sucks *lol*. I don't endorse the idea anymore. If I leave my husband, God help me I'm not marrying again. If anything, I should go out and tour on a "don't be like me" campaign about the pitfalls/disadvantages of marriage the same way Sarah Palin's underaged knocked-up daughter was trying to do with her underaged peers about humping around *lol* My faith in it is gone. It's an obsolete institution. I used to have the same ideals about it as the rest of you. Now, I have a view from the inside for the past 7...going on 8 years now? I'll have to look. The margins of time have all melted into one another, I don't even know anymore. I've learned many things about this kind of relationship, although I don't really think I want to go into ALL of it...Maybe just the most standout issues:
Marriage fosters an attitude of complacency SIMPLY by BEING WHAT IT IS!!! In fact, that's something I experienced early on in my marriage. He changed immediately once "the chase" was over. He was like "Stay romantic? Stay in shape? Fart in private??? WHY??? It's not like you're GOING anywhere!!!" And the sad truth is, he's RIGHT!!! I'm NOT! The idea of "forever" can lead to the dangerous tendency of taking that person for granted. It's almost NATURAL for it to happen in an environment like marriage. Because they ARE gonna be there. They PROMISED to. FOR LIFE. NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS. WHERE'RE ya gonna go???
The deal IS "for better or worse", but HOW BAD is "WORSE" expected to GET before it's considered OK to cut your losses and quit?
The problem within the idea of "no matter what happens" is that there exists a VERY WIDE MARGIN of variables, so it begs the question: HOW MUCH SHIT is TOO MUCH to put up with? I almost feel guilty for bringing any of this UP because I'm MARRIED and I VOLUNTARILY SIGNED ON to be in for the long haul no matter what. I'm expecting to hear "oh well, if you can't hang maybe you shouldn't have gotten married". And...maybe I shouldn't have *sigh*
What's more is, when a relationship (d)evolves into a marriage, I've observed the whole dynamic of sex changes. When you're dating? It's usually because you want to express your feelings for that person, because it's still fun to do, or maybe it's because you're just plain horny *lol*. In marriage? It's now become potential leverage. A bargaining chip. Or (for those hardcore churchies) merely a reproductive function. Which the other partner can revoke at anytime for any reason, with or without cause, and it's considered acceptable for you to be denied. And when one partner wants it more than the other, it's largely considered acceptable for the couple to round down to the lowest common denominator. If not, the one who isn't hot for it "puts up with" putting out, making it feel more like a doctor's exam than any real loving. OR, being horny, but then not particularly feeling horny for THEM, yet at the same time not wanting to break your vow of fidelity, so what used to be 'making love' is now reduced to using your spouse/being used as a sexual backscratcher. A tool. THOSE are the choices?
When a partner uses sex as leverage, however, they're committing real damage,IMO. It goes further than merely holding out on a bang, it's taking their very STATUS as your spouse for granted, if you really think about it...Basically saying "Yeah, I know what you want, and I know I'm the only one you can come to for it, and I'm intentionally holding out, BECAUSE I CAN! SO WHAT???" Can anyone see the dysfunction in that (using sex as currency, leverage or as a means to an end), or is it just me? Putting a "cuz we're married" label sticker on it doesn't make it any more ok in my eyes...
When you're dating, you're together, but still have seperate interests, activities and seperate lives. Living with JUST enough distance to generate that sense of desire and mystery. And with dating, while there CAN be exclusivity, you live with the risk of losing them if you blow it and there IS no promise of forever. Why is the promise of forever so desired anyway? How can you guarantee forever when you can't even promise tomorrow??? HOW the hell can you HAVE any IDEA about tomorrow? You may not even wake up tomorrow!!!
And the promise of "forever" doesn't seem practical or even realistic when people naturally change. You shouldn't be expected to be that person you were a dozen years ago. The rate and direction can't be controlled, and forcing to tamper with or inhibit that is retarded, especially if it's for the sake of keeping a couple together. Life ITSELF is a "grow or die" environment, and marriage is no exception. There are times in life where you change, and: 1)if you work at the relationship, 2)if your partner is still on the same general wavelength as you (or is at least willing to be) and 3)if the conditions & timing are right, the couple will adapt, grow together, even be stronger for it. But you can't assume that'll ALWAYS HAPPEN EVERY TIME, or happen seamlessly(an assumption too many people make when you think of spouses as just TWO HALVES OF A WHOLE instead of a PAIR OF 2 COMPLETE WHOLE INDIVIDUALS). Sometimes the 2 will grow in seperate directions. OR 1 person will grow and the other gets left behind. It can happen, through no fault of either party. If instead of leaving that person behind, they choose to stay, there has to be some hope of the other party "catching up" or else you're not solving the issue, you're just hitting the snooze button on it...I know that now...
This experience also has me seriously questioning the role of "compromise" in a marriage...If a relationship is all that great, should it even be CALLED FOR(I for 1 am starting to doubt that it should)??? And if so, how much is too much? What if what's being asked of you to compromise is your identity? IMO, that is an inalieable right. To be asked to sacrifice WHO YOU ARE for ANYONE is unrealistic, unreasonable and non-negotiable. If changing WHO YOU ARE means keeping your partner happy, then you have to wonder if they ever really loved you for who you are? I don't think so...I think they used you as a template to project the potential of what they wanted onto you. Instead of seeing you "as-is", they saw you as a "fixer-upper", and that spells doom...well, at least that's the way I see it...
In marriage, besides taking the "forever" idea for granted, you run the dangers of merging your lives to the point of becoming HOMOGENOUS. TOO MUCH intimacy. I've had married guy friends confess that to me in the past. Where the feelings for their wives have degraded from being the woman they desired, head over heels for and were completely nuts about, into mere companionship, friendship and co-parents because they KNOW ABOUT/SEE/DO TOO MUCH. And also they shared with me the same problem I have now: marrying someone whom you THOUGHT was a good catch, only to find out they LIED about many of the things they claimed to share in common with you, turning into someone else once the ink dried. I'm stuck trying to get back in love with the man that was left behind the mirage. And it's tougher than I imagined. Don't get me wrong, I love him very very much. The thought of hurting him makes me want to cry. But we're just plain not right for each other. I don't feel like I can be myself around him. What if he pretends to agree/be ok with something about me, only to reveal to me later he HATES it? It's happened before, and I always have that suspicion in the back of my mind since. He wants me to change alot about who I am which I feel is unfair cause I made it clear what he was signing up for beforehand. And whenever there is something about me that I know is wrong and needs changing, he makes me feel like crap instead of being constructive/supportive. He almost enjoys pointing them out, whereas I do my best to be constructive/supportive to HIM...Especially when he's TRYING TO CHANGE one of HIS bad habits...Although, when he tries for 5 minutes, gets bored then goes back to watching tv, it's not up to me to pick him up and carry him (although there are times where I wonder if that's what he's expecting). We have different views of life and the future. And I haven't been in love with him for about a couple of years. BUT...in spite of that, I'm still trying to make it work...because....that....forever thing I went on and on about earlier *lol* and my promise to stick around no matter what...
Or at least, until I feel I've exhausted every possibility or found an answer to my question "at what point does it become ok, if at all, to call it quits?"
Marriage fosters an attitude of complacency SIMPLY by BEING WHAT IT IS!!! In fact, that's something I experienced early on in my marriage. He changed immediately once "the chase" was over. He was like "Stay romantic? Stay in shape? Fart in private??? WHY??? It's not like you're GOING anywhere!!!" And the sad truth is, he's RIGHT!!! I'm NOT! The idea of "forever" can lead to the dangerous tendency of taking that person for granted. It's almost NATURAL for it to happen in an environment like marriage. Because they ARE gonna be there. They PROMISED to. FOR LIFE. NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS. WHERE'RE ya gonna go???
The deal IS "for better or worse", but HOW BAD is "WORSE" expected to GET before it's considered OK to cut your losses and quit?
The problem within the idea of "no matter what happens" is that there exists a VERY WIDE MARGIN of variables, so it begs the question: HOW MUCH SHIT is TOO MUCH to put up with? I almost feel guilty for bringing any of this UP because I'm MARRIED and I VOLUNTARILY SIGNED ON to be in for the long haul no matter what. I'm expecting to hear "oh well, if you can't hang maybe you shouldn't have gotten married". And...maybe I shouldn't have *sigh*
What's more is, when a relationship (d)evolves into a marriage, I've observed the whole dynamic of sex changes. When you're dating? It's usually because you want to express your feelings for that person, because it's still fun to do, or maybe it's because you're just plain horny *lol*. In marriage? It's now become potential leverage. A bargaining chip. Or (for those hardcore churchies) merely a reproductive function. Which the other partner can revoke at anytime for any reason, with or without cause, and it's considered acceptable for you to be denied. And when one partner wants it more than the other, it's largely considered acceptable for the couple to round down to the lowest common denominator. If not, the one who isn't hot for it "puts up with" putting out, making it feel more like a doctor's exam than any real loving. OR, being horny, but then not particularly feeling horny for THEM, yet at the same time not wanting to break your vow of fidelity, so what used to be 'making love' is now reduced to using your spouse/being used as a sexual backscratcher. A tool. THOSE are the choices?
When a partner uses sex as leverage, however, they're committing real damage,IMO. It goes further than merely holding out on a bang, it's taking their very STATUS as your spouse for granted, if you really think about it...Basically saying "Yeah, I know what you want, and I know I'm the only one you can come to for it, and I'm intentionally holding out, BECAUSE I CAN! SO WHAT???" Can anyone see the dysfunction in that (using sex as currency, leverage or as a means to an end), or is it just me? Putting a "cuz we're married" label sticker on it doesn't make it any more ok in my eyes...
When you're dating, you're together, but still have seperate interests, activities and seperate lives. Living with JUST enough distance to generate that sense of desire and mystery. And with dating, while there CAN be exclusivity, you live with the risk of losing them if you blow it and there IS no promise of forever. Why is the promise of forever so desired anyway? How can you guarantee forever when you can't even promise tomorrow??? HOW the hell can you HAVE any IDEA about tomorrow? You may not even wake up tomorrow!!!
And the promise of "forever" doesn't seem practical or even realistic when people naturally change. You shouldn't be expected to be that person you were a dozen years ago. The rate and direction can't be controlled, and forcing to tamper with or inhibit that is retarded, especially if it's for the sake of keeping a couple together. Life ITSELF is a "grow or die" environment, and marriage is no exception. There are times in life where you change, and: 1)if you work at the relationship, 2)if your partner is still on the same general wavelength as you (or is at least willing to be) and 3)if the conditions & timing are right, the couple will adapt, grow together, even be stronger for it. But you can't assume that'll ALWAYS HAPPEN EVERY TIME, or happen seamlessly(an assumption too many people make when you think of spouses as just TWO HALVES OF A WHOLE instead of a PAIR OF 2 COMPLETE WHOLE INDIVIDUALS). Sometimes the 2 will grow in seperate directions. OR 1 person will grow and the other gets left behind. It can happen, through no fault of either party. If instead of leaving that person behind, they choose to stay, there has to be some hope of the other party "catching up" or else you're not solving the issue, you're just hitting the snooze button on it...I know that now...
This experience also has me seriously questioning the role of "compromise" in a marriage...If a relationship is all that great, should it even be CALLED FOR(I for 1 am starting to doubt that it should)??? And if so, how much is too much? What if what's being asked of you to compromise is your identity? IMO, that is an inalieable right. To be asked to sacrifice WHO YOU ARE for ANYONE is unrealistic, unreasonable and non-negotiable. If changing WHO YOU ARE means keeping your partner happy, then you have to wonder if they ever really loved you for who you are? I don't think so...I think they used you as a template to project the potential of what they wanted onto you. Instead of seeing you "as-is", they saw you as a "fixer-upper", and that spells doom...well, at least that's the way I see it...
In marriage, besides taking the "forever" idea for granted, you run the dangers of merging your lives to the point of becoming HOMOGENOUS. TOO MUCH intimacy. I've had married guy friends confess that to me in the past. Where the feelings for their wives have degraded from being the woman they desired, head over heels for and were completely nuts about, into mere companionship, friendship and co-parents because they KNOW ABOUT/SEE/DO TOO MUCH. And also they shared with me the same problem I have now: marrying someone whom you THOUGHT was a good catch, only to find out they LIED about many of the things they claimed to share in common with you, turning into someone else once the ink dried. I'm stuck trying to get back in love with the man that was left behind the mirage. And it's tougher than I imagined. Don't get me wrong, I love him very very much. The thought of hurting him makes me want to cry. But we're just plain not right for each other. I don't feel like I can be myself around him. What if he pretends to agree/be ok with something about me, only to reveal to me later he HATES it? It's happened before, and I always have that suspicion in the back of my mind since. He wants me to change alot about who I am which I feel is unfair cause I made it clear what he was signing up for beforehand. And whenever there is something about me that I know is wrong and needs changing, he makes me feel like crap instead of being constructive/supportive. He almost enjoys pointing them out, whereas I do my best to be constructive/supportive to HIM...Especially when he's TRYING TO CHANGE one of HIS bad habits...Although, when he tries for 5 minutes, gets bored then goes back to watching tv, it's not up to me to pick him up and carry him (although there are times where I wonder if that's what he's expecting). We have different views of life and the future. And I haven't been in love with him for about a couple of years. BUT...in spite of that, I'm still trying to make it work...because....that....forever thing I went on and on about earlier *lol* and my promise to stick around no matter what...
Or at least, until I feel I've exhausted every possibility or found an answer to my question "at what point does it become ok, if at all, to call it quits?"
Saturday, March 13, 2010
Talking & driving
I remember back in school, I would be stuck in the classroom listening to the teacher yak on and on about some shit that I knew would have no useful application in the real world...
Most oftentimes, I would be staring out the window or doodling some pictures (or perhaps even drawing devil horns or boners on the historical figures in the school textbooks *LOL*). And...oftentimes, this would annoy the teacher. Apparently his idea of "listening" would be keeping my eyes on the board, on him or in his general direction, and sometimes it bugged him to the point of stopping in the middle of the lecture. I'd reply that I WAS paying attention...I'd explain that just because my eyes and hands were doing other things, that doesn't mean my ears & brain weren't working. Yeah...that answer didn't really help *lol*. But I stuck to my guns. Cause it's not like I WAS goofing off (not THAT time anyway) I really WAS listening. And so he'd quiz me about what he just said. About 75% of the time, I got it right. His panties would still get in a knot over it...(and I'd still get in trouble). Perhaps it was a matter of "principle" for him (even THEN I knew that THOSE kinds of battles usually aren't worth putting up a fight for).
So I can't understand HOW talking on the phone while driving can be so dangerous to do. In fact, the spike in accidents have proven it to be SUCH a danger, it's now illegal in my state to drive while talking (or, perhaps I should say, it's illegal to be CAUGHT driving while talking. Because, as I look around me on the road, this new law clearly isn't making people put their phones down. The wife of my state's Governor was caught red-handed just a few months ago! I've even seen LOTS of POLICE talking on THEIR cell phones while driving ON PATROL, ferchristsakes! My mother-in-law just got a citation for talking while driving just this Thursday! Gee, officer. Hypocritical much?). Staring at the phone screen/keypad when your eyes SHOULD be focused on maneuvering your vehicle, YES, THAT IS a dumbshit move...(or TEXT MESSAGING when you should have your eyes on the road...that's dumbshit raised to the Nth degree). However, the rest of the time is spent driving with the phone in one hand, "yakking off" *lol*. Yet so often people who do that pose a danger to themselves and others on the road. Recent statistics are showing that even "HANDS-FREE" devices do little to no good.
...Uh...WHY? Your mouth may be occupied, but your other faculties, the ones needed for driving...eyes, brain, etc., should OTHERWISE be free. How does TALKING affect one's vision, or inhibit one from seeing what's right the f*ck in front of them?(I once got rear ended on the freeway by some bitch talking on her cell phone). How does TALKING on a PHONE impair the mental capacity to negotiate your way from A to B? And what's more: How can talking on a PHONE be DANGEROUS as opposed to talking to a PASSENGER, when it's essentially the same activity??? It's weird to see how a driver can change once they begin talking on the phone. What was once a car, has now become a phone booth on wheels...Or a freaking LOUNGE even! When I see someone driving while talking, most oftentimes I also:
-See them staring off into the sky
-I see them staring at the dash panel like it were a TV...(o_O)???
-I see them picking at their face holes in the mirror
...nose...mouth...ears...
-I see the especially vain ones spend more time WATCHING THEMSELVES TALK in the mirror than watching the road...Yeesh! *rolls eyes*
-I see them hunched over, fiddling with the buttons on the stereo a LITTLE TOO LONG
-I see them taking in the view AROUND them instead of what's IN FRONT of them...
-I see them decide that there's no better time or place to scavenge for a pen and paper to write a number or some other stupid shit down(instead of pulling over 1st)
-I see them toying around with the buttons on their PHONE when they should be focusing on the road AHEAD of them...
WHY does that happen? What IS IT about driving with a phone that disconnects you from your other senses and immediate surroundings? Could their skulls be soaking up their cell phone's harmful EM radiation which (I guess) retards the most basic human intelligence/sense of judgement? Or is that person's brain running on SUCH a low gear that something as simple as talking on the phone SHORT CIRCUITS all other faculties? The old "walking while chewing gum" joke comes to mind...Although I know this issue isn't so simple. Driving involves having to pay attention to a multitude of things at once...which, now that I think about it, is ALL THE MORE REASON to pay some effing attention to what you're doing!
Man, leave it to a few dumbasses to ruin things for the rest of us...AND...have it get SO BAD, the GOVERNMENT feels the need meddle in it! The only ones the Government keeps safe are their own, and the only ones they help are THEMSELVES...as in HELP THEMSELVES TO YOUR hard-earned $$$...Don't get me started on THAT...
Most oftentimes, I would be staring out the window or doodling some pictures (or perhaps even drawing devil horns or boners on the historical figures in the school textbooks *LOL*). And...oftentimes, this would annoy the teacher. Apparently his idea of "listening" would be keeping my eyes on the board, on him or in his general direction, and sometimes it bugged him to the point of stopping in the middle of the lecture. I'd reply that I WAS paying attention...I'd explain that just because my eyes and hands were doing other things, that doesn't mean my ears & brain weren't working. Yeah...that answer didn't really help *lol*. But I stuck to my guns. Cause it's not like I WAS goofing off (not THAT time anyway) I really WAS listening. And so he'd quiz me about what he just said. About 75% of the time, I got it right. His panties would still get in a knot over it...(and I'd still get in trouble). Perhaps it was a matter of "principle" for him (even THEN I knew that THOSE kinds of battles usually aren't worth putting up a fight for).
So I can't understand HOW talking on the phone while driving can be so dangerous to do. In fact, the spike in accidents have proven it to be SUCH a danger, it's now illegal in my state to drive while talking (or, perhaps I should say, it's illegal to be CAUGHT driving while talking. Because, as I look around me on the road, this new law clearly isn't making people put their phones down. The wife of my state's Governor was caught red-handed just a few months ago! I've even seen LOTS of POLICE talking on THEIR cell phones while driving ON PATROL, ferchristsakes! My mother-in-law just got a citation for talking while driving just this Thursday! Gee, officer. Hypocritical much?). Staring at the phone screen/keypad when your eyes SHOULD be focused on maneuvering your vehicle, YES, THAT IS a dumbshit move...(or TEXT MESSAGING when you should have your eyes on the road...that's dumbshit raised to the Nth degree). However, the rest of the time is spent driving with the phone in one hand, "yakking off" *lol*. Yet so often people who do that pose a danger to themselves and others on the road. Recent statistics are showing that even "HANDS-FREE" devices do little to no good.
...Uh...WHY? Your mouth may be occupied, but your other faculties, the ones needed for driving...eyes, brain, etc., should OTHERWISE be free. How does TALKING affect one's vision, or inhibit one from seeing what's right the f*ck in front of them?(I once got rear ended on the freeway by some bitch talking on her cell phone). How does TALKING on a PHONE impair the mental capacity to negotiate your way from A to B? And what's more: How can talking on a PHONE be DANGEROUS as opposed to talking to a PASSENGER, when it's essentially the same activity??? It's weird to see how a driver can change once they begin talking on the phone. What was once a car, has now become a phone booth on wheels...Or a freaking LOUNGE even! When I see someone driving while talking, most oftentimes I also:
-See them staring off into the sky
-I see them staring at the dash panel like it were a TV...(o_O)???
-I see them picking at their face holes in the mirror
...nose...mouth...ears...
-I see the especially vain ones spend more time WATCHING THEMSELVES TALK in the mirror than watching the road...Yeesh! *rolls eyes*
-I see them hunched over, fiddling with the buttons on the stereo a LITTLE TOO LONG
-I see them taking in the view AROUND them instead of what's IN FRONT of them...
-I see them decide that there's no better time or place to scavenge for a pen and paper to write a number or some other stupid shit down(instead of pulling over 1st)
-I see them toying around with the buttons on their PHONE when they should be focusing on the road AHEAD of them...
WHY does that happen? What IS IT about driving with a phone that disconnects you from your other senses and immediate surroundings? Could their skulls be soaking up their cell phone's harmful EM radiation which (I guess) retards the most basic human intelligence/sense of judgement? Or is that person's brain running on SUCH a low gear that something as simple as talking on the phone SHORT CIRCUITS all other faculties? The old "walking while chewing gum" joke comes to mind...Although I know this issue isn't so simple. Driving involves having to pay attention to a multitude of things at once...which, now that I think about it, is ALL THE MORE REASON to pay some effing attention to what you're doing!
Man, leave it to a few dumbasses to ruin things for the rest of us...AND...have it get SO BAD, the GOVERNMENT feels the need meddle in it! The only ones the Government keeps safe are their own, and the only ones they help are THEMSELVES...as in HELP THEMSELVES TO YOUR hard-earned $$$...Don't get me started on THAT...
If a tree falls in the forest...
That old question: "Does a tree falling in the forest make a sound if no one is present to hear it?" The answer I've most often heard is "No." or would fall along the lines of no, such as "Reality depends on what we observe and how we observe it, whether individually or collectively".
INDIVIDUAL PERCEPTION depends on what we observe and how we observe it. But to say reality DEPENDS on US? Are humans really THAT vain?
So...you mean to tell me, if something exists just beyond the grasp of human perception, it in fact DOESN'T exist? Does this mean microbes didn't exist before man developed the technology to even notice that they were not only THERE, but THERE ALL ALONG??? Or that, before the earth was proven to be round, it was at some point in time, flat? (That, upon seeing it as round for the 1st time, it's flatness conformed to the shape of the belief? Just poofed like Jiffy Pop? *lol*) Does that mean that, until we reach the coastline, all the waves on the beach are on "mute" until WE get there? That something doesn't exist UNLESS or UNTIL "WE" say it does??? 1) NO WONDER the "God" topic and the question of "his" existence (or gender even *lol*) is in such fierce debate now than it was centuries ago. 2) Those who believe the tree would make no sound if no one was around to hear it really need to seriously scale down their ego and their rearrange their views on thier role in this world.
These types seem to hold the opinion which goes as far as to say that this planet NEEDS us somehow(?). It's funny when I actually ASK these types IN WHICH WAY does this planet NEED US? There are usually either a bunch of "uuhhhhh's" or reasons that are related to other human beings. Merely listing off ways WE need the PLANET, therefore leaving my question unanswered. I.E. THEY DON'T REALLY KNOW. They don't know because the fact is, the planet DOESN'T need us. WE might have a need for EACH OTHER, we might have a need for the things that exist here. But with this planet, the fact of the matter is, need is NOT mutual. If this fact stings, or you feel any fear(or offense) of such a thought, that is definitely a symptom of ego and thus proves my point stated above. This world has existed before we did and will continue to exist after we're gone. In fact, I wholeheartedly believe this planet will THRIVE AFTER we're gone. I mean, look at how we're treating this place! Like an effing vending machine! One common answer I hear is "we're interconnected to it", which may be true...But that implies a symbiotic relationship, one of mutual benefit. Look around you. Pick up a newspaper. Look up the Amazon forest on Google maps (look NOW while you STILL CAN! Football field's worth of irreplaceable land is being destroyed BY THE HOUR!)
Clearly this is NOT the case. I can even go as far to say the relationship we have with this planet is NOT symbiotic but...parasitic. Now before you label me a kook (if you haven't already), just look up the definition of "parasite" (thanks to dictionary.com):
Parasite:
1)An organism that lives on or in another...known as the host, from which the body obtains (sustenance).
2)A person who receives support, advantage, or the like, from another or others who gives without giving any proper or useful return, as one who lives on the hospitality of others.
3)(in Ancient Greece) a person who received free meals in return for amusing/impudent conversation, flattering remarks, etc.
I'm sure we've all encountered our share of #3's *LOL* However, I invite you to take a minute and contemplate the 1st 2 definitions. Does any of it sound familiar? Of course there are those "tree-hugger" types who might counter my argument by stating there are ways we can "give back". Even IF we PROPERLY "gave back" in equal measures of what we took (which DOESN'T happen else we wouldn't be having these enviro. problems), "giving back" (not contributing) seems the best we can do. It's basic human nature to take to sustain life, therefore we CAN'T contribute or GIVE to this planet, only to each other (which usually can only result by TAKING something from the planet.Sad, but fact). So, yes, connected...But in which way? Not of a symbiotic/mutually beneficial relationship like so many "tree-huggers" would prefer to believe. But it isn't, it's a 1-way parasitic one. The belief that giving back(replacing) and contributing(adding to) are one and the same is false (delusion). The same delusion as thinking we have the authortity to declare/discredit the existence of something simply because our finite capacities fail to comprehend (or even detect) it. Just like the delusion that the welfare of this planet DEPENDS on our very presence. Or the delusion that, by buying products that have "green" stickers on them, remembering to turn the lights off, or recycling a couple of cans, that SOMEHOW we can REVERSE the destruction, even RESTORE the equilibrium that once existed? (forestall or SLOW total depletion? yes...Stop or even REVERSE? Get real!)
-> Case in point, for those with A.D.D. *LOL*
So, that's my answer: Unless we succeed in sucking this planet dry of all resources or nuke it to oblivion, this planet is going to keep on turning, the seasons will continue to cycle and trees are going to keep on (noisily)falling...WITH or WITHOUT us...
NOW...onto the "chicken & egg" question *LOL* :.P
INDIVIDUAL PERCEPTION depends on what we observe and how we observe it. But to say reality DEPENDS on US? Are humans really THAT vain?
So...you mean to tell me, if something exists just beyond the grasp of human perception, it in fact DOESN'T exist? Does this mean microbes didn't exist before man developed the technology to even notice that they were not only THERE, but THERE ALL ALONG??? Or that, before the earth was proven to be round, it was at some point in time, flat? (That, upon seeing it as round for the 1st time, it's flatness conformed to the shape of the belief? Just poofed like Jiffy Pop? *lol*) Does that mean that, until we reach the coastline, all the waves on the beach are on "mute" until WE get there? That something doesn't exist UNLESS or UNTIL "WE" say it does??? 1) NO WONDER the "God" topic and the question of "his" existence (or gender even *lol*) is in such fierce debate now than it was centuries ago. 2) Those who believe the tree would make no sound if no one was around to hear it really need to seriously scale down their ego and their rearrange their views on thier role in this world.
These types seem to hold the opinion which goes as far as to say that this planet NEEDS us somehow(?). It's funny when I actually ASK these types IN WHICH WAY does this planet NEED US? There are usually either a bunch of "uuhhhhh's" or reasons that are related to other human beings. Merely listing off ways WE need the PLANET, therefore leaving my question unanswered. I.E. THEY DON'T REALLY KNOW. They don't know because the fact is, the planet DOESN'T need us. WE might have a need for EACH OTHER, we might have a need for the things that exist here. But with this planet, the fact of the matter is, need is NOT mutual. If this fact stings, or you feel any fear(or offense) of such a thought, that is definitely a symptom of ego and thus proves my point stated above. This world has existed before we did and will continue to exist after we're gone. In fact, I wholeheartedly believe this planet will THRIVE AFTER we're gone. I mean, look at how we're treating this place! Like an effing vending machine! One common answer I hear is "we're interconnected to it", which may be true...But that implies a symbiotic relationship, one of mutual benefit. Look around you. Pick up a newspaper. Look up the Amazon forest on Google maps (look NOW while you STILL CAN! Football field's worth of irreplaceable land is being destroyed BY THE HOUR!)
Clearly this is NOT the case. I can even go as far to say the relationship we have with this planet is NOT symbiotic but...parasitic. Now before you label me a kook (if you haven't already), just look up the definition of "parasite" (thanks to dictionary.com):
Parasite:
1)An organism that lives on or in another...known as the host, from which the body obtains (sustenance).
2)A person who receives support, advantage, or the like, from another or others who gives without giving any proper or useful return, as one who lives on the hospitality of others.
3)(in Ancient Greece) a person who received free meals in return for amusing/impudent conversation, flattering remarks, etc.
I'm sure we've all encountered our share of #3's *LOL* However, I invite you to take a minute and contemplate the 1st 2 definitions. Does any of it sound familiar? Of course there are those "tree-hugger" types who might counter my argument by stating there are ways we can "give back". Even IF we PROPERLY "gave back" in equal measures of what we took (which DOESN'T happen else we wouldn't be having these enviro. problems), "giving back" (not contributing) seems the best we can do. It's basic human nature to take to sustain life, therefore we CAN'T contribute or GIVE to this planet, only to each other (which usually can only result by TAKING something from the planet.Sad, but fact). So, yes, connected...But in which way? Not of a symbiotic/mutually beneficial relationship like so many "tree-huggers" would prefer to believe. But it isn't, it's a 1-way parasitic one. The belief that giving back(replacing) and contributing(adding to) are one and the same is false (delusion). The same delusion as thinking we have the authortity to declare/discredit the existence of something simply because our finite capacities fail to comprehend (or even detect) it. Just like the delusion that the welfare of this planet DEPENDS on our very presence. Or the delusion that, by buying products that have "green" stickers on them, remembering to turn the lights off, or recycling a couple of cans, that SOMEHOW we can REVERSE the destruction, even RESTORE the equilibrium that once existed? (forestall or SLOW total depletion? yes...Stop or even REVERSE? Get real!)
-> Case in point, for those with A.D.D. *LOL*
So, that's my answer: Unless we succeed in sucking this planet dry of all resources or nuke it to oblivion, this planet is going to keep on turning, the seasons will continue to cycle and trees are going to keep on (noisily)falling...WITH or WITHOUT us...
NOW...onto the "chicken & egg" question *LOL* :.P
Friday, March 12, 2010
A long time coming...Heh heh heh...
Gah...I'm SO TIRED of writing down my thoughts, only to have the wrong people raccoon through my shit and reading them. It's happened to me since I was a kid. You'd THINK that growing up an only child, you'd have the fortune of experiencing maybe a little extra privacy, but noooo...
My frustration about it got so bad, I learned/taught myself cryptology. No joke! *lol* Then I advanced to designing my own set of heiroglyphics. Seriously. It felt cool to have a language of sorts that only I could understand...I mean, it's not like I could have POSSIBLY have felt ANY MORE weird growing up already *lol*! I was a nerd among nerds!
Problem is, the older I got, the less time I had to keep sharp with it...that...and, I lost my "rosetta stone" *lol*. Sometimes when I hide things, I do a little TOO good a job so that even I can't find it *lol*. Even now that I'm married, my private things are still subject to getting racooned, and I don't like that. Marriage doesn't give you license to rifle through your spouse's things unless you have 1)permission, 2)justified cause or 3) a warrant, and mere curiosity is not a valid reason. I don't do that shit to him. I like my freedom, and I give his space that respect...That must be yet one more thing about me he takes for granted *rolls eyes*...
I've already got notebooks full of sketches, notes and weird dreams I've given up on trying to interpret, I'd like another place to store some of my thoughts and/or blow off steam. Maybe you'll find something here you'll agree with. If you don't, and feel strongly enough to speak up, I willingly accept VALID COUNTERPOINTS and/or criticism ONLY if it's CONSTRUCTIVE. I won't tolerate anything below. I mean, hey, I've been wrongly judged/misunderstood most of my life, what makes you think I'm hot for hearing MORE of it? Besides, if there's anything this world has too much of, it's hate inflicted upon one another, and there won't be any place for that here. Thanks to my hot temper, I get judged alot for hating people, but I'll let you in on a little secret: it's the dumb shit people do that sets me off, not necessarily the person themself...Although there are times where the line that divides the two gets too thin for even me to be able to tell where one ends and the other begins...
My frustration about it got so bad, I learned/taught myself cryptology. No joke! *lol* Then I advanced to designing my own set of heiroglyphics. Seriously. It felt cool to have a language of sorts that only I could understand...I mean, it's not like I could have POSSIBLY have felt ANY MORE weird growing up already *lol*! I was a nerd among nerds!
Problem is, the older I got, the less time I had to keep sharp with it...that...and, I lost my "rosetta stone" *lol*. Sometimes when I hide things, I do a little TOO good a job so that even I can't find it *lol*. Even now that I'm married, my private things are still subject to getting racooned, and I don't like that. Marriage doesn't give you license to rifle through your spouse's things unless you have 1)permission, 2)justified cause or 3) a warrant, and mere curiosity is not a valid reason. I don't do that shit to him. I like my freedom, and I give his space that respect...That must be yet one more thing about me he takes for granted *rolls eyes*...
I've already got notebooks full of sketches, notes and weird dreams I've given up on trying to interpret, I'd like another place to store some of my thoughts and/or blow off steam. Maybe you'll find something here you'll agree with. If you don't, and feel strongly enough to speak up, I willingly accept VALID COUNTERPOINTS and/or criticism ONLY if it's CONSTRUCTIVE. I won't tolerate anything below. I mean, hey, I've been wrongly judged/misunderstood most of my life, what makes you think I'm hot for hearing MORE of it? Besides, if there's anything this world has too much of, it's hate inflicted upon one another, and there won't be any place for that here. Thanks to my hot temper, I get judged alot for hating people, but I'll let you in on a little secret: it's the dumb shit people do that sets me off, not necessarily the person themself...Although there are times where the line that divides the two gets too thin for even me to be able to tell where one ends and the other begins...
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