Psychological Observation #101 (the anatomy of addiction)

People MUST stop looking at addiction from the point of the device. True addiction originates from within...it's the FEELING, not the object. You can fill in the blank with anything: porn, food, lying, stealing, video games, getting another piercing, shopping, staring at the mirror, being a bitch to others, it doesn't matter. The FEELING that comes from the use of that object is what COULD form an addiction if abused. When doing or consuming something you like, the reward centers in the brain get twanged on, so naturally you want to do it again, and the means used to arrive to this point is really irrelevant*. Let that marinate for a minute.

*(the only exception is the safety *or lack thereof* of those means: the more dangerous it is towards yourself or others, the more imperative it is to address this)

When the word "addiction" gets thrown around, nearly every time the DEVICE gets blamed. It's a WAR on DRUGS!
FAST FOOD makes people fat!
Video games MAKE kids violent and MAKES them ditch school!
An inanimate object whose original design/purpose was probably to help one ENJOY life more, not be destructive. People...who are supposed to be INTELLIGENT and IN CONTROL OF THEIR CHOICES, blame THINGS! External objects! It really makes me laugh when I think about it long enough. As sure as nature, what happens when that object is removed (while the underlying cause remains unaddressed?)? Eventually, there will either be a relapse, or it will be replaced by ANOTHER addiction...one perhaps less outwardly malevolent, but still just as unhealthy.

A good example of this are those gospel-style christians I was exposed to at a young age. I was dragged to church growing up, whether I liked it or not lol. My grandma, no longer content with her regular church, started migrating around to other churches, this time she had us try a southern-style gospel church. It lasted for about a month. With the robes and the choirs and the loud and noisy (in a good way) dancing and worship music. There they preached fear, austerity, sacrifice and poverty as a virtue to the point you were convinced that the entire new testament was torn out of all their bibles. Their tradition was, every evening after church service, the congregation went to the pastor's (or other volunteer host's) house for a potluck-style dinner. And that's where all the holy virtue they worked up went out the window. It was really less like a communal supper among parishioners and more like a dry Bacchanalia. Copious amounts of food were, if it wasn't deep fried, it was covered in a greasy sauce. Plates were piled high, and there were lots of seconds and thirds...THEN plates to take home at the end! Many different kinds of salads, not one of them involving a green vegetable. No fruit left uncovered by a buttery crust. And their manner of eating was almost obscene. Let's put it this way: If a blind person were to walk in and hear their eating noises, they might assume they really DID mistakenly walk into a Roman orgy lol. It was such a frenzy, I actually saw them work up a sweat. Working up a sweat. By EATING! These people (unbeknownst to them) were experiencing a backlash of the suppression and self-denial they imposed upon themselves the rest of the time they were in "righteousness-mode". And it demonstrated that in truth, whatever "sin" they claimed to have walked away from wasn't really conquered, but replaced with a new one. BTW, nearly all of them were really, really fat...so it's safe to assume this eating habit WAS truly a habit and NOT an occasional lapse (which IS normal). But of course, I was a kid back then, I'm pretty sure they'd scoff at my observation "what do YOU know?" just like they did all the other times back then lol...even though it still holds true after all these years.


This is what I see happening in "rehab" so often. The relationship towards the DEVICE is worked on, and that's it! When in truth, it's NOT the device that is the root of the addiction, it's the addiction to the CHEMICAL RELEASE DERIVED from the device's abuse! And the FEELINGS that COME FROM THAT! THAT is the ROOT! And unless THAT is addressed, people are going to be forever confounded...or at best, taking action THINKING they've conquered their addiction, only to just replace it with another addiction to something else (most likely without even realizing it).

And before you judge, realize: 1)All addictions are, are overgrown habits. How many habits YOU are a slave of in day-to-day life? And how many of those habits are you willing to admit are ways in which you let go of yourself, habits that are not exactly healthy and are in need of change?
2)On some level, we are ALL addicted to that SAME chemical release, or else no one would enjoy anything. Ever. There would be no impetus to keep going, or to put up with the massive crap and pains of mortal existence just to derive those few bright moments of pleasure. It's plays a crucial part of a human's survival mechanism! However, it's when that need for chemical release is valued over all else, including one's health, safety, financial security, friendships, family, love, job, level of personal accountability, etc. is when it's crossed the point of balance and has become an unhealthful addiction. Now perhaps you can see that this device really CAN be anything. Even something as crappy and stupid staying on top of a "reality" show, a game on your cell phone or *shudder* FAKEbook, er, I mean facebook lol. On the other side, I believe in some cases that depression is a severe and/or complete DEFICIENCY of these chemicals, where addiction stems from an overproduction. But that's another topic.

I've always held (and have yet to be validly contested about): If you have a bad habit in need of change, you MUST address the DESIRE, NOT the object!

If you try to change by addressing the object (most commonly by removal/abstinence of it), without first addressing the underlying cause, all you do is 1) leave space to fill in with another addiction or, more commonly, 2) make a new challenge for them to get to their fix, perhaps even making it that much more appealing.


Think back when you were a child. The odds are good that you liked cookies. Let's say you liked cookies a little too much and your well-meaning parents thought it would "help" if they removed them from your reach....so they place it in the highest place of the kitchen. Usually the top of the refrigerator or uppermost cabinet. Honestly, what did that action REALLY do for you? Would "out of sight, out of mind" really come into play here? Did it TRULY "correct" your desire?

...Or did it spark your inner Indiana Jones? Your parents could have damn well turned that kitchen into an OBSTACLE COURSE, complete with bear traps, pendulous axes and flying darts, if you want those cookies enough, those obstacles will be as elemental to pass as taking another step from here to the crapper when you've got to go...when it was ALL MEANT to SERVE as a DETERRENT, it really just reinforces the "need". Your parents would have UNWITTINGLY ABETTED the feelings of reward in your brain (instead of control), reinforcing the addiction the next time the desire comes about, as the feeling of reward in satisfying one's desires after passing obstacles are that much more intensified. In plain words: you now have the thrill of "the rush" ON TOP of the thrill of satisfying your desire. That doesn't sound very conducive to changing one's habit, does it? lol! PLUS, add to that the deep unconscious human desire to be free (even kids). If an EXTERNAL influence REGULATES something FOR THEM, in part or in whole there WILL be a rebellion...even if it's deemed for the subject's own good (Best case: a parent trying to correct a child's behavior. Worst case: a country's government playing nanny sheep-herder on citizens who are *SUPPOSED TO BE* independent, intelligent, self-responsible, free-thinking individuals). It may make that person want it all the more simply for the sake of contradicting the external influence which is a perceived threat to their sense of freedom (even if they may not be mature enough to exercise it yet). Must I use the Prohibition Era as another example? lol Pretty much the same thing, different device, and on a much wider scale. BTW, removing the cookies from the house entirely may help unless the desire is strong enough, they'll find their fix from an outside source...or will move on to fixate on something else readily accessible. Doesn't sound like a resolution to me, does it to you? Maybe it's because we're addressing it from the point of the device! DUH! Deterrence/consequence makes a poor match against the power of desire, or else people would be afraid of breaking the law for the sake of ethics, righteousness and order...instead of the REAL reason most people are afraid of breaking the law, which is the massive toll it takes (time-wise, professionally, socially, economically) on your life. If consequence alone were enough, prisons would be empty. Or damn near close, anyway. If you really knew how many people would be willing to commit crime to get what they want if they were guaranteed a way there would be no consequence, you'd probably live out the rest of your life as a shut-in lol. Maybe YOU are one of those people...and that just proves my point.

It's the FEELING that comes from your reward center's stimulation...THAT is where the true root of addiction CAN originate if you are experiencing an unaddressed need (conscious or unconscious) or an emotional/psychological void you may/may not be aware of. Not alcohol, not drugs, food or porn. The feeling is where it TRULY starts. Now (regarding chemical substances in food/drugs): after enough exposures, the body CAN develop chemical dependencies upon the substance itself, which is outside of the dependency of the brain's reward centers' stimulation...but the latter STILL REMAINS the PRIMARY cause, and can be ended with no further progression if addressed then and there.

But of course, putting up blocks to the object of "desire" in the form of deterrents, or removal of the object in favor of abstinence is OBVIOUSLY FAR EASIER than going within ones self (or your child's mind if you are a parent) to explore the root cause of the void or emotional/psychological imbalance that causes the person to self-medicate with the device (to the point of abuse) in the first place. Right? Or else things wouldn't be where they are now...or there wouldn't be as many backsliding rehabbers...or a whole lot of finger pointing towards inanimate objects and the manufacturers who make them....right? Oh well. I guess it's just my observation. K'Bye!

The Anatomy of Grief

After spending many a taxing month caring for my grandmother & watching her slowly circle the drain, I had a lot of time to contemplate (occasionally between beers lol) life and grieving the loss thereof.


The more I observe the reactions of those around me, the more I start to notice that in grief, underneath the sadness, under the sense of loss, at it's root...is selfishness. Grief is selfish. Yep, I said it! And the same goes if that person is "religious". I was raised Christian (though, obviously, it didn't quite take lol), and the common notion is that there is no need to fear death and that the end of a person's life doesn't really mean the end. Then why is there so much sadness and grieving at every funeral I've ever been to/seen if this is the belief?


At it's core, grieving the loss of a person has much more to do with the loss of what that person means to the SURVIVORS than it has to do with the actual loss of the person.


If the religious concept of the afterlife is true, then it makes no sense to see it as a sad event...shouldn't the survivors be regarding the passing as "graduating" or "upgrading" the deceased one's existence? The ones who should be sad are US for being stuck HERE, away from where we came from, imprisoned in these finite mortal shells! Returning to where we came from as liberated souls should be a happy concept, the ultimate goal at the end of everyone's life, so much so that sometimes I think that birthdays should be sad instead of funerals. One more year stuck here lol. Well, maybe I wouldn't go that far lol.

When I see people cry at the loss of another's life, it's clear that it has more to do with the loss of what that person means to/did for the survivors...it can range from losing someone that keeps them from being lonely, to losing someone with whom you have invested a lifetime of love, care and money, now gone with nothing to show for it...to losing a source to feeling a certain way (loved, needed, even entertained, etc.)...or in my grandmother's case: the loss of a tangible link to nostalgic past memories. I'd honestly say 8 times out of 10, the reaction to her recent passing makes at least one mention to a past memory she was involved in one way or another. Even I feel that to some degree. The loss of grandma makes me ache for those times I stayed at her place some nights as a kid, her teaching me to cook and make sun tea, learning spanish by watching her novelas along with her, hearing my uncle practice Hendrix on his guitar through the window while I was out back playing with worms & frogs. But those memories are long gone with or without grandma's living. The life of the memories are NOT endangered or lost by the loved one's passing, it only SEEMS that way on a subconscious level because, as I said before, the deceased served as a living, breathing, physical link to those memories/experiences. In a way, it may feel that their death somehow threatens the existence of the memories, making one almost reflexively cling onto both a little too tightly. Also, their death may serve as a sobering confirmation that those times really are long gone, causing one to stir up fears of their own mortality & what little time they might have left. But it's all an illusion. Disassociating the fuzzy memories from the link of the person involved & enjoying the memory "as is" helps with letting go of the deceased. If anything at all, the deceased person is now safer than ever, now resting in as incorruptible a place as the memories that person is linked to.

This is not to say that I believe the selfish nature belying grief is wrong or abnormal...selfishness is natural in limited doses...However, it IS wrong to be stuck in that state, and lacking the ability to see it for what it is. If you consciously attempt to break the link between the nostalgic experience and memory from that person, and put each in it's proper place in your heart, you might find that letting go of that person a bit easier, letting them return home to the liberated state of existence we should all envy.


I guess I had to work that thought out to finally get to sleep. Ok, well, bye!