If it doesn't matter...

It happened again. Twice this month...yet the billionth time it's happened in my life. But it pisses me off every bit as much as it ever does...

"It's JUST a QUESTION!" People say...maybe they don't mean anything by it, but I know better to understand there's usually a reason behind it, and it's usually not good...

The question: "What are you?"

Seems like an innocent question, but to me it reeks of ignorance...and there's an ironic twist to it that I'll go into in a minute...

I had a friend come to me earlier totally exasperated on how he gets so many stereotypes placed on him simply for his racial appearance. Making such assumption-based remarks as "your favorite channel must be BET" (it isn't), or that he smokes and/or sells weed (he doesn't...not that I know of anyway *lol* HE says he doesn't, that's good enough for me)...or how (even STILL) he is often met with a shocked expression when he's heard speaking and it's NOT Ebonics...He remarked on how people can assume so much about him based on his racial appearance before even knowing HIS NAME! Which, I can understand...but what I didn't understand and what really knocked me on my ass is...IN THE VERY NEXT BREATH, he asked "Hey, btw, what are you?"

Just yesterday, a facebook friend, experiencing something similar, lamented on how he's fed up on how people just assume that he's a football player before even knowing his name, based on his (racial and general) appearance...Saying "if I get asked ONE MORE time if I'm a football player before even asking me my name or major, I'm gonna lose it!!" He too turns around and asks me, "so what r u??" Of course, being the smartass I am, I responded with another question "Hey, do you play football??" >:.P

It's a complicated answer for me...I'm a crazy mix of things. So of course, people can't figure out "what" I am...They look at me like I'm a math problem. And it really gets me, how I'm asked: "WHAT are you?" Like I'm another species??


And they insist it's just "curiosity", yet they persist asking me until I give them one name of "race" or another...which I don't, I just deflect. You'd THINK because they're JUST curious, they'd DROP it, forget it and talk about something else...But no...now they want to play a game of "20(racist)questions" with me, making intrusive (sometimes hurtful)critiques about my facial features and appearance based on their "guesstimates" on "WHAT" I am, asking me about what part of the world I was born (and NO, "America" is NOT good enough an answer for them), where my parents were born, where THEIR parents were born. Um, ok, this has now become an INQUISITION. And now they're really annoyed at me at this point...Um, why??? WHAT RIGHT do they HAVE to SHAKEDOWN MY family tree??? Or cut it down and count it's rings??? And what the FUCK does it MATTER to ANYONE, especially when it doesn't matter anything to ME??? A common reply of mine is: "Family business." And they look at me confused "Family business???" And I reply "yeah, family business...If you ain't family, it's none of your business!" MAN, does THAT piss them off!!! *lol* I ask them "why does it matter?" And the common reply is "It doesn't matter, I just want to know!" and I reply "if it doesn't matter, then WHY does it matter enough for you to ask??" THEN they act like I'M the one with the problem and they storm off away angry, usually muttering "GOD, it was JUST a QUESTION!!!"... usually alongside a few OTHER choice descriptive nouns *lol*. Perhaps at times it IS meant as a harmless question, but is it really? I say no. Just because it's posed casually, I'm not fooled. People always seem to marvel at how this question annoys me so greatly... It does because we SHOULD be living in a world where such an issue should be a NON-ISSUE. It's NOT an innocent question, it really is a tool used to label and judge people. I know better than to think it's anything else but a way to figure out what "category" to file you under. Think about it...

If it doesn't matter AS MUCH AS PEOPLE SAY it doesn't, then WHY do people STILL GIVE so much of a SHIT about it???

Companies SAY they're an "equal opportunity employer", yet they turn right around with "Hey, btw, WHAT RACE ARE YOU?". I always check the box marked "other" *lol*. If race REALLY doesn't matter, then what's with people STILL seeking to compartmentalize one another??? If we're REALLY in an age where we judge on character BENEATH appearance, then why is this still matter enough for people to ask? No one should care! I don't care! People really don't realize what a rude, INTRUSIVE (and yeah kinda racist)question it is...and it's information to which the casual conversationalist is NOT privy to. I don't know what gives them the idea that they're ENTITLED to know. And in my refusal to give them an answer, they often react as if I violated their rights in some way.

This shows me that we STILL judge on race & racial appearance as much as ever...and I want no part of it. I never ask such a question to others, I do my best to keep assumptions to a minimum(but I do have my human moments! Sorry!). I never ask "what are you?" to others, because 1)IT DOESN'T MATTER!!!!, 2) I don't GIVE ENOUGH of a shit to ask!! and 3)I understand how invasive it is and what racist potential it has. If you don't volunteer to share that piece of(PERSONAL)information with me, I'll never know!

The ironic twist I noticed with these two friends: they're playing right into the same compartmentalized thinking that other people are putting THEM through when they make stupid racial & stereotypical assumptions based on how they look! And what's worse is neither of them were aware of it!!! Both contradicted themselves, replying "Sure, I know, race doesn't matter...Judge the PERSON, not their skin...You think I don't know? I have it worse than you!!! You don't know how bad I have it, getting stereotyped on the way I look. At just about every turn, day in, day out...

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"...so WHAT ARE YOU???"


*%^*&$^%*$%#*@%*$!!! (>_<)


I'm not saying I have it tougher than others, but being a mutt, it's not exactly simple either. There's a book that really helped me, I read it back in college, called "Half Asian,100% Hapa". "Hapa" is the Hawaiian word for "half". It became a derogatory term to describe Hawaiian "half-breeds". There's a minority in Hawaii that have parents of 2 origins: Hawaiian native and Asian. They suffer a surprising amount of prejudice in the native Hawaii in which they were born, and as a result, they feel adrift in their racial identity, both Hawaiian and Asian, yet at the same time identifying with neither (understandably so as many felt rejection from both sides). Within the book's accounts of "Hapa" people, in the face of their rejection and treatment (some of which was downright cruel), lie encouragement and in a small way, triumph. The "hapa" have since come to embraced the name, forging an identity of their own within it...and now it's no longer a derogatory term, but a name in which many today take pride in. It's a name that's transcended beyond Hawaiian/Asians and is a name used by other "mutts" of different origins. Though I do realize they're putting a label on themselves in the process...

I wonder if people have an unconscious, intrinsic fear of "half breeds". That if they're too numerous, there'll be a population crisis within the "pure" races. I've actually seen this question posed many times on tv. Back when Tyra Banks had a talk show, they were fearfully discussing how the population of "black" people are actually declining...By a small percentage, but it was enough to project a trend...and the overwhelming majority in the audience were all flustered at the news, blaming this negative trend on "black" men preferring to date "white" women instead of their own "race", and how this problem must be remedied by "sticking with your own race". Wow, really? If this were a "white" people's talk show, they'd be yanked off the air before the next commercial break!

Am I saying that I'm ashamed of my heritage (whatever it is)?? No...I'm just saying that I believe putting it at the forefront of one's identity is unhealthy and it fuels the fire of yet more stereotypical, judgemental thinking. Staking too much of your identity in your "race" is what leads to the ridiculous thinking of "breeding with your own kind" and the fear that results from the presence of too many "Hapas" and how they somehow threaten your identity and water down your "purity" and your "culture". I'm proud of my mixed heritage, but I will NEVER put it ahead of myself or use it to define who I am. I'd rather not put stake in any of it and am happy to remain racially ambiguous. That might not work for you, but it works for me...It's a decision to OPT OUT of a vicious cycle that we're STILL in the grips of even after the legacy of Dr. King. Sadly, I believe the legacy is really just the "belief" we've overcome this type of thinking...while we have advanced to some degree, I still think we're just as discriminatory as ever...people are just much more discreet with it...So discreet with it, the person themself may not even be aware, so of course they assume nothing when asking "WHAT are you??"

Maybe I'm defective in not seeing people as PEOPLE BEFORE color...Making my best conclusion on my impressions of the person instead of assumptions based on their appearance alone. I know it sure SEEMS that way sometimes...at times it feels like maybe I REALLY AM the one with the problem and should just start thinking in labels like everyone else...

Coincidentally, I just watched the movie "A Bronx tale". A story about a father & son in an Italian neighborhood, and the racial friction between the Italians and the resident "Black" people. A group of junior thugs spotted a black dude riding his bicycle down the street and they just suddenly decided to throw him off his bike and beat on him...just because he was black. They said such horrible things about blacks in different parts of the movie and while this one was getting beat...Names like "stupid", "savage", "ugly"...little do they realize they're living examples of the names they're calling THEM by senselessly beating on him. How quickly did the Italians forget the prejudice THEY suffered when they first emigrated here by the other "races" that beat them here by only a few decades. Way to pay it forward! That's something about racism I don't understand. People have these preconcieved notions about people of another race: "Black people steal", "Mexicans are lazy", "White people are discriminatory"...That's not how I see it...Those kinds of remarks imply a superiority over another. But theft, laziness, prejudice...they're ALL HUMAN errors...ESPECIALLY stupidity.


So...What "race" am I? I'm "HUMAN", that SHOULD be all that should matter...

...Though, in light of what I just wrote, I correct myself...maybe I AM ashamed of my "RACE" after ALL...