♫ Fa ra-ra ra ra, ra-ra ra ra ♫

Can't sleep, dammit. I guess it's a good thing I'm underemployed or I'd be in trouble *lol*.

Lately I seem to be noticing more people who are not only hating Christmas, but not really caring who knows. Some I see on facebook say "fuck Santa Claus!" or even "Imma kill him! He never comes by my house anyway!" I totally understand the jaded outlook, disappointment and frustration...but if you really think about it: A) why is it this guy's job to gift the world? Did he make a bet with the devil and lose? And B)what thanks does "he" get for doing something so colossal while asking for nothing in return? Room temp milk & cookies that no one else wanted to eat. Even by the kids who believe he is real, he gets treated like a gift dispenser whose job is to give them free shit with no strings attached. Do you see how the santas at the mall get treated? Everyone knows that a mall santa job is about as low as one can get without doing anything illegal. It ranks only slightly above party clown and we all know how shitty they get treated. Thinking about it makes me feel like perhaps the retail jobs I loathed so much weren't so bad after all *lol*. What I don't get is WHY someone would want to be a party clown or santa. They SAY they "do it for the kids", but by "doing it", appearances indicate them taking kicks to the shin and gut, hair/beard pulling, hits to the face and screams in the ear. Often inflicted on purpose for laughs. I don't see any joy in that...maybe they're pulling themselves through with "it's a joy and it's all worth it" like I hear many parents tell themselves, though their eyes often say something clearly different to me. I know it's not like that 100% of the time, but are those small, rare moments of redemption really worth all that crappy treatment? I'd say no. There has to be a better way to experience the joy that person is seeking without having to endure all that noise, bullshit & abuse. With the way I see "santa" often get treated, it makes me wonder if maybe his "job" really IS due to a lost bet to the devil *LOL*! Yeah, those facebook people might be joking, but I often find when people joke, it's to disguise a truth they otherwise wouldn't feel comfortable admitting outright. Christmas can suck, I get that...I've gone through many disappointments myself, and I think many of these Christmas movies with their "11th hour miracles" MIGHT mean well, but they're setting people up for disappointment... Raising one's hopes for a miracle that might never come, no matter high your faith or how hard you believe. It's fiction and most people know that, but it stimulates one's mind on some level that says "Maybe..."

Similar to the way I think romance comedies set women up for unreal expectation and awaken/develop their taste for saccharine bullshit that'll never likely happen because the typical dude just doesn't think they way these fictional characters do. Did you just get the sense that I hate romance comedies? *lol* To me, a "Christmas Story" is the best Christmas movie because it's not pretty, there are no miracles, no epiphanies, just one mishap after another and the boy and his family roll with it. Making the best of things in spite of what went wrong. (BTW, those who have seen the movie will totally get the above title *LOL*!)


Where did this Santa thing come from anyway? I hear there's a movie out called "Rare Exports: A Christmas Tale", the name sounds innocuous...but don't let that fool you. I hear it follows the paper trail of the real origin of Santa Claus...and from what I learn, it isn't pretty. Stuff like: the fat, red-suited, image of Santa you're familiar with is really a mascot for an advertising campaign invented by Coca-Cola in the 40's to encourage drinking Coke in winter. And how the people who cooked up this advertising scheme "conveniently" left out parts that link this character to pagan origins? And to THINK how many Christians out there perpetuate the celebration of this character WHILE claiming to hate paganism? Hah! Ironic or what? The same thing for Easter. It blows me away to see self-proclaimed Christians allowing their kids celebrate Easter by doing TRADITIONAL Easter stuff. If these Christian parents knew where the bunny and egg symbols really came from and what these symbols really meant, they might ban their kids from ever touching (let alone picking up) another colored egg *LOL*. Perhaps it's because they don't really know. But yet that doesn't excuse one from wanting to fill in the gaps of what they don't know. Perhaps on some level, what one thinks they know believes it's all they need to know. I find it so curious how people follow beliefs, ideas and traditions BLINDLY without even having a mind to ask any question...just assume it's fact SIMPLY because it's "family tradition", or simply because they were told by their parents. One example of this is my ex-husband. This one really amazed me. For as long as I've known him, he hates nuts. If something has nuts in it, it needed to be picked off or he wouldn't eat it. And if he bit into something that had nuts in it, he would pick it out of his mouth and go "Ewww! Nuts! Is there something else to eat??" There were times where it would really be a pain in the ass. Ok, so he hates nuts, so what? Well, I don't hate them...and one time we were taking a long road trip and when we made a pit stop, I bought some for myself because I was pretty hungry. He was hungry too, but said "ewww" when I offered him some a couple of times. I guess his hunger got to him after watching me eat for a while and he said "Aw, fuck it" and asked for some. "But I thought you hated nuts?" I said. "Yeah well, I'm hungry" he answered. I watched in amazement as I saw him eat them and I nearly jumped out of my seat when I heard him go "mmmm" and held out his hand for another helping.
"What do you MEAN 'MMMMM'??? I thought you hated nuts? What the hell??" You know something? I found out HE DOESN'T HATE nuts! It turns out he's NEVER even TRIED THEM before that day! How in the hell can he HATE something he's never even TRIED before??? Because his parents (his mother) told him that he hates nuts, and I guess from that point on he adopted her belief as his belief, then as fact. How about that?? Up until that day, he'd gone his WHOLE LIFE hating something he's never even tried before! And if it wasn't for me, he'd probably have gone the REST of his life "hating" them. Simply because he was TOLD he hated them! He never even bothered to find out for himself, just assumed that his parent's belief is fact and there's no room for question. Isn't that amazing? Now I have to worry about my stash getting raided, my peanut butter getting dipped into and always having to share a bag whenever he's around. Sheesh. Me & my big mouth *HAH* 8.P


...Alright, I'm getting sleepy now. K'bye :.P

"What's with you hating Christmas?"

Is what I get asked so often. I think it's unfair... I don't "HATE" it.

I know some people do (or claim to)hate it for real.

Some people really have a hard time dealing with Christmas... It's SUPPOSED to be a festive occasion...but since it's become so intertwined in commercialism and consumer hedonism, it has an opposite effect on poor people. It results in a magnification of the feeling of lack and feeling left out. Those feelings we try to stuff in the closet and hide during the REMAINDER of the year (feeling of lack, exclusion, inadequacy, failure...the attempts to ignore it with a fake optimism one tries to muster up just to cope from day to day) sort of get dragged out in the open like it or not and gets put out front & center to display for all to see. Or at least, that's how it feels. Instead of "everywhere you look, it's christmas!" it's "everywhere you look, it's a reminder of what you can never afford to have, do or get!". "Ho ho ho!" turns into a "ha ha ha, you're poor!" You can TRY to "make the best of what you have", but when you see everyone else around you doing things you'll never do, enjoying things you never will, having things you'll never have, it sort of rubs salt in it a little... And for those who know what it's like to be REALLY poor... I mean REALLY, REALLY, can't even afford the bare minimum poor? Not even a Charlie Brown tree? You know that your "holiday spirit" can really take the beating of it's life...some don't even survive to another year...as if it didn't take a monumental effort to generate in the 1st place considering the circumstances! Having only enough to keep the rent paid so that you don't wind up homeless does NOT count as a Christmas present...not even to yourself. And to think otherwise is self-delusion.


You can guess by now which part of the equation I'm in, right? *lol* I grew up poor. Not "feed the children" poor, but shitty in it's own way. I have to be fair, there were a handful of great Christmas memories...(getting that Teddy Ruxpin doll I always wanted is one of the few happy kid memories I have), but those were few and far between. After so many disappointing experiences for so many years, beginning so early in my life, it sort of deadened my sense of "spirit". What little I had was a struggle to muster up. But these past few years wiped out the last of it: This year is now going to be the 5th year in a row where there will be no money for shopping...which means yet another Christmas without presents. This isn't me feeling sorry for myself. Nor am I asking you to. I'm not mad. I don't resent. Or hate. I DID hate once...especially in my "goth" phase *LOL!* I passed through an "anti-christmas" period where I absolutely hated it and I wanted no part of it at all! A feeble attempt to take out my resentments I suppose *lol*. So I know what it feels like to hate it, that's how I know I don't! *lol*


Just last weekend, I was at a grocery store, I crossed paths with a guy I know whom I suspect likes me, and a Christmas song came on. "Here comes Santa Claus" I think it was? He actually turned to me and started singing along, and by his expression, it looked as if he was expecting me to join in and sing along. I let him sing for as long as I could stand it before turned to him and said "Hey. Save it for your kids at home, will ya? I'm immune to that shit!" *lol*

People like me who grew up this way usually wind up in these categories: 1) they grow up to be truly bitter about it and hate the holiday, and more ghosts come out of their closet than decorations 2)mustering up as much optimism as you can in the face of what you can't have/do (which is WAY harder than it sounds. I really feel for the people who try so hard to love the holiday even though they have no evident reason to) or 3)become immune to the holiday stuff. I just...don't care. I have no feelings of my own towards it... And between you & me, I really think those in category #1 don't hate Christmas from a place of TRUE anger or malevolence...it comes from a place of hurt. All that's under that "hate" is only layers & layers of hurt & disappointment which just manifested itself in a different way. Me, I don't feel this way or that about it. I just don't care. Well, ok...I DO care about Christmas ONLY because 1)the people in my life whom I care about care about it, so it results in caring by default *lol* 2) in my new line of work, the holiday season is like the Superbowl! Busy & crazy! But even before then, I always seized the opportunity to show off my skills and bake my ass off! *lol* What I don't get is: all the central "reasons for the season" are things we should be mindful of all year: Thankfulness of what one has, giving to others, enjoying quality time with loved ones, keeping in touch with family. These are things that should be done ALL THROUGHOUT the year. What makes Christmas so special then? It's even argued that Christ's birthday didn't even happen at this time *lol*. So what's left when you strip all the above away? Overeating & buying crap? An excuse for overindulgence and overspending? And looking at the vicious greedy herds of consumers that mob the stores during this time of year...Yelling...shoving...sometimes even punching, even literal TRAMPLING over one another. Doesn't really help with the case for Christmas either. Count me out. Ok, I get wanting to try hard to get just the right thing for someone you love, but that doesn't get you off the hook from showing some basic civility to the person next to you. If Christmas permanently went away for whatever reason, I really wouldn't miss it... I would just feel for the people that would.

(mental) constipation *lmao*

Damn! I can't believe I've been away for HOW many months??? Holy crap! Where did the time go? So much crap has happened too... As usual, my birthday came and went virtually unnoticed (I really should re-examine the "friendships" I keep *lol*). The end of my marriage being one of the biggest things... I guess you'll be hearing more of that as I go along (in case you haven't already gotten an earful talking to me in the real world *lol*)... That, and, writer's block can sure be one mean bitch! There were lot of times where I didn't really think there was much worth sharing...but I see that doesn't stop other people with their blogs *lol*. Maybe I'm too critical of myself...No, no maybe...I AM... If I'm not hard on myself, I won't get jack shit done. I don't know how else to be *shrug*

Don't tell anyone, but uh...

I do something I'm not supposed to...shyeahh, BIG news, right? *lol* Something that, over time, I started to feel more jusitification and less shame. I've done it so much, I've actually become a pro at it...or, become closer TO one...

...I smuggle stuff into movie theaters *lol*. What, you thought it might've had something to do with anarchism? I can't tell you about any of that, THAT'S classified *lol* Telling you would mean involving you, and trust me you don't want to be traced to any of that *lol*

It's gotten to the point where I feel it's OK (and NO, you WON'T find any picnic baskets under my hoodie *lol*...You won't find me "keistering" anything in either *lmao*). I mean, hey, what can you do when you're hungry but all you're restricted to choose from is 1) unappetizingly greasy, salty artificial crap ...OR... 2) ridiculously overpriced unappetizing, greasy, salty artificial crap??? Hell, EVERYTHING edible or potable for sale at a theater is ridiculously overpriced. Excuse me? 4 bucks for a 16 oz bottle of water? 4 bucks? That's not water, THAT'S DIAMOND JUICE!!! *lol* At least put some gold flakes on the bottom, make it feel more like I'm getting my money's worth *lol*

Now, if you'll excuse me...I'm about to take a power bar out of my secret jacket pocket and sneak a can of sugar-free energy drink out from between my cleavage, the show's about to start! *lmao*

Just dunk me in coffee & call it a day...

Things are getting better. I'm getting the hang of things. Tough to keep up, though. And MAN does this wipe me out! By the time I'm done, I'm coated in flour, sugar & chocolate...I feel like a frikkin' donut *lol* I'm surrounded by flour, butter & sugar alllllllll day long...echhh...Vegetables sure are a sight for sore eyes *lol*...Or water that DOESN'T come from a faucet! I NEVER thought I'd get sick of chocolate! Never! *lol* People keep making assumptions that since I'm surrounded by sweets that I have a hard time keeping myself from picking at them. To tell you the truth, the sweet I DO have a hard time keeping myself from picking at is the fresh fruit *lol* The fruit that's not quite old, but is too ripe for presentation, I sneak some in *lol* Hey, it was about to go in the trash anyway *lol* And, as a bonus, every burp sends me on a 2 second tropical vacation *lmao*



My hands are all cut up. Half my fingers are bandaged right now...I mean, some of my fingers are bandaged, I don't mean I have half-fingers *lol*. I'm typing to you on stumps right now *lmao*...Well, apparently band-aid-covered fingers ARE about as clumsy to type with *lol*. Aw hell, YOU know what I mean...I'm tired...Shit, what day is it? I lost track, like, 3 daylights ago *lmao* Ohhh, the weekend just passed, huh? ...No WONDER it was so goddamned BUSY these past couple days *lol* Damn! I missed my Saturday morning Ninja Turtles *lol* 8.P Unfortunately though, it looks like the restaurant is getting a change of ownership, which not only means I'm probably not going to get the job, it means the EXISTING staff might lose THEIR jobs. *sigh* It was nice while it lasted I guess. Back to retail hell :.(

Oh sheet(cake)!!!

The only time in life when the term "getting laid" is a BAD thing is when you add the word "OFF". That's what happened to me. Yeah, it was bad...cuz, there goes my money. If I run out of money, I'll wind up "outdoors" and I DON'T mean camping!!!But, in some ways it was good. I mean, I was meaning to take the next ticket out of there anyways. I never meant to work there that long, and I was already burned out. My mind would just shift into auto-pilot after awhile and sometimes I would catch myself daydreaming and snap out of it only to realize I was halfway done with my assignment. I was so engrossed in thought, I wasn't even aware of where I was or what I was doing during that time, I was just moving my body mindlessly like an automaton. Yeah, that's a DEFINITE sign it's time to go! *lol* Another indicator that it was time was the new rule that we were now supposed to be helpful to customers! What??? Working WITHOUT having to put up with idiot-ass customers was a reason, if not THE reason I even applied for that job! *lol* That job sent me to several stores a month, so I would only typically know where the bathroom, breakroom & exits are, how the fuck should I know where the peanut butter is? How am I EXPECTED to know if I won't see the place again for weeks? Chances are, you stupid fucktard, you 1) walked RIGHT PAST IT en route to asking ME where the hell it is, or 2) right while you're asking me, it was an arms length from right in front of your ugly, inbred, mouth-breathing face all along. Maybe it would help if you put your fucking cell phone down and LOOK AT THE SHELVES instead of everywhere else like the floor, ceiling and the phone keypad, knucklehead. If you customers are TOO EFFING STUPID to REALIZE that we wore NO uniforms, wore NO name tag or displayed any OTHER indication that we are store employees, yet you STILL mistake us for store employees, then sadly, the kind of "help" you customers REALLY need CAN'T BE FOUND IN ANY STORE (o_O)


Apparently, according to the new rule, answering customers' questions with "I don't work here" is interpreted as offensive and/or rude. I can't determine which I lack fluency in: diplomacy or speaking moron? I never saw it as "rude" OR "offensive". I saw it as a favor: 1) I'm telling them I can't help them because I genuinely don't know, 2) it's admitting I'm of no use to them if my guess is just as good as theirs, and 3)it's a recommendation for them to find someone who CAN help them because, by asking me, they're wasting BOTH our time. My former co-workers are such sellouts. They got intimidated by this new rule and now drop whatever the were doing whenever they're approached by a mental-midget...uhrrr...I mean, CUSTOMER, with a question. Whether they KNOW the answer to their question or NOT! If they DON'T know, they stop & leave their work behind to walk around the store with the customer until they find whatever it is that's being looked for. One wandering know-nothing idiot are now TWO wandering, know-nothing idiots. When you put two empty-heads together, all you get is a hollow noise! All this really did in the end is make the team fall behind, leaving us to finish later, pushing back the time to go home even further, and 75% of the time the customer usually wound up having to go to a STORE employee to ask ANYWAY. Excuse me, WHO is this helping??? Am I missing something???

Customers sure are a curiously dumb creature. And getting dumber by the second. I have no patience for them at all. I am as "in my element" in retail as a fish in the sand. It's really best that someone ELSE deal with thier douchebaggery. Which is why I'm glad I came upon an opportunity for a new job that has nothing to do with dealing with them anymore. I'm happy if I can punch in at a place where I can work happily AWAY from having to see or speak to (or listen to) them. Even better, have someone ELSE deal with them *lol*. AND, even better than THAT, it's something I actually LIKE doing...that's nice for a change *lol*. I'm at a fancy French restaurant by the beach getting trained to be a pastry chef!!!
I NEVER imagined that would happen to me! *lol* I'm not hired yet though, and there's no guarantee I will, as I have zero experience doing this professionally...Domestically (for fam & friends)? YES, TONS of experience!Professionally? Nada! *lol* BUT...Shit, even if I don't get this, I'm getting some experience that'll help get me in somewhere else... AND at least I could say I once worked as a pastry chef at a fancy French restaurant on the beach, who gets the chance to be able to claim THAT? (though my friends know I'm NOT the bragging type, in fact I'm anything BUT! *lol*)AND, this is my possible break at forever breaking "the experience curse". "The experience curse" is the eternal catch-22, where you're left stuck having to stick with a job you know, whether you want to keep doing it or not, and your best chance at getting taken seriously is by applying for jobs you have experience for (my curse is anything in retail). But how can I get experience if I don't get a chance? How can I get a chance if I don't have experience? How can I get experience if I don't get a chance? Ad infinitum....

AND, this is excellent proof that it's NEVER about WHAT you know, it's about WHO you know! I've said it a million times, people! I NEVER would've had this chance without the right connection, and there have been many jobs in the past that I knew I was perfect for, only to get passed over for (what I later found out was) a COMPLETE ingrate...BUT...he was a complete ingrate who DID happen to "know somebody"...

Perspective of a childfree individual

"The baby trap" by Ellen Peck is a fantastic book. Alas, it's out of print. But if you happen to find it, HOLD ONTO IT! It's a gem! And it would still be on my bookshelf today if it weren't for my stinkin' in-laws. It's a book that I think is SO great, it should be REQUIRED READING in public school. Really.

It's tragic how, in this day in age, with all our modern advances in technology and medicine (and more to the point CONTRACEPTION), how CLUELESS people ARE at the FACT that having kids is a CHOICE! Some people really have no idea that's what it is! So many think having kids "is just something that happens". WTF? Get your head out of the middle ages! I truly believe that if books like "the baby trap" (or pretty much ANY book from THIS LIST ) was requisite learning in schools, there would be far less shitty parents out there (or less people having kids period) and less problems in society as a whole, as I believe that by educating people with the fact that there IS a choice (and that there's no guilt or shame in saying NO if you so wish), it would at least buy a little extra time to stop and think. Perhaps afford people more time in their lives to do...well...ANYTHING ELSE *lol*!!! Anything from getting/finishing one's education, seeing the world, expanding your talents(or discovering one you never thought you had), or the likelier and more practical direction of just figuring your life out. Too many people wind up struggling needlessly to acheive this (or attempt to acheive) this in the wrong order as a result of not knowing...or knowing only after it was too late. It's tough to get sight of the EXISTENCE of such a choice when right from the beginning, people are almost "programmed" from virtually every angle of life to have kids, usually starting out when that person is a kid themself. Especially females, where many "toys" geared towards them are really training implements to stimulate a female's intrinsic "nesting" impulse. Domestic activity "playsets" (playing house, tea sets, strollers, toy ovens, shopping carts, ironing board sets, etc.), dolls that are PREGNANT or HAVE BABIES. Baby-shaped dolls that encourage you to learn feeding & how to change diapers. Dolls that teach you how to dress. And once the child is grown it doesn't stop there! The media paints the picture of parenthood in glowing pastel shades in their printed ads and within a fuzzy soft-focus lens in their commercials. Diaper ads/commercials, which so often have nothing to do with the things diapers are made for, make parent/baby interactions look almost transcendant. The whole image of "Mom & apple pie" is one that's synonymous with "Americana". But little do people realize that it's a MYTH whose TRUE origin was a marketing campaign courtesy of the ad dept. of American commercialism. It goes to show you THAT'S how DEEPLY embedded this is in the nation's psyche. Commercialism itself praises having babies, the idea behind their logic of course being more babies=more future consumers. Of course we're all witnessing the effects of it's consequences, as this video illustrates. Gossip rags glorify the pregnancy of a celeb(even the ones who were only famous for 15 min), giving motherhood a glamorous or even "sexy" (gag!) spin on it. Making it a FAD almost. A baby is now the hot fashion accessory. Because...like...carrying a mini doggie in your handbag is, like, sooooo last year.


Movies/TV shows portray having babies as a "fix-to-all-that-ails-ya" for your life, whatever one's problem might be. Whether it be a soul-deadening case of ennui, or a relationship on the brink (the movie "the good girl" with Jennifer Aniston is a prime example that includes these very 2 issues, incidentally, both problems are magically & mysteriously solved with the arrival of a baby). Alternatively, there's the program "16 & pregnant" whose true message often soars right over the heads of it's intended audience. What is often learned instead is that having a baby can be a sure ticket to tv fame. And the pro-natal bias even follows you into the working world. Can you believe some promotions (or even the decision to be HIRED) can be based upon whether or not you have kids? The perpetuation of the stereotype that a "family man" is more responsible, trustworthy and works harder than a "confirmed bachelor". Which is exactly what it is, a STEREOTYPE! Hello? MORE responsibility DOES NOT make you more responsible!!! Look at Flavor Flav! *lmao* Look at the Duggars...that's not responsibility(OR doing God's work as the Duggars' claim), that's LITTERING!!! And don't get me started on "Octo-mom"! While being unmarried and/or childfree can actually cost you a promotion, or in some cases, a JOB, because you're stereotyped as irresponsible, selfish, lazy and forever stuck in "party-mode" (why aren't the negative stereotypes for parenthood given equal consideration?). And with society in general, it seems no matter what social circle you're in, if you DON'T have kids, you're viewed as weird and are subject to a barrage of questions/pressure until you 1)conform or 2)find a new circle of friends. FAMILY is often WORSE than friends in that area, unfortunately you can't trade in family members as easily as you can friends *lol*!!! And if that isn't enough, the GOVERNMENT is ready to BRIBE you to have kids in the form of a "child tax credit"...And if you're poor, Uncle Scam sez: have more kids! Because welfare will pay you MORE for every kid you have! (I have a relative who used to have kids SPECIFICALLY FOR getting a bigger welfare payment! He was ordered by them to stop at 9!)

Feminist groups are no refuge, in fact, they (of all people) are TRAITOROUSLY pro-natal! Their opinion goes as far to say you're NOT a REAL woman UNLESS you FULFILL YOUR DUTY to reproduce! Sounds like something out of the 50's! What happened to being "liberated" in your freedom to make a choice? I've heard enough of their crap opinion to understand that they equate a baby as the ultimate medal of honor in femininity. That doesn't make me feel very "liberated". THAT makes me feel reduced to a walking, talking uterus with a head! So much for finding support/understanding THERE! Poor lady-sheep have lost their way SO badly, they're actually moving BACKWARDS *lol*. I probably missed several other sources of pressure to have kids, but I'm ALREADY talking WAY more than I planned to *lol*!

Just as not everyone on earth is cut out to be a parent (which I believe there'll never be hope of the world becoming a better place until people OFFICIALLY ADMIT that AS FACT), not everyone is cut out to be childfree. Contrary to common belief, childfreedom DOES NOT equal being ANTI-CHILD (at least as far as I'M concerned). Nor is true childfreedom about pushing(or coercing one into) the ideal that nobody should have kids the same way so many childed people have tried to push (or coerce) the idea on ME to HAVE them. I'm aware that there really are SUPER parents out there who DO have kids they LOVE, kids they WANT and PLANNED for and who DO their absolute best to raise them into wonderful ADULTS, and I wish with all my heart there were MORE of them out there. However the fact is, there AREN'T. Not only are TOO MANY people having TOO MANY kids, they're HAVING them for the WRONG REASONS...And in the long run, society suffers (This is but one of my 1,000 reasons I'm opting out on kids, I don't want to contribute to the world in that way).

What really gets under my skin is how people judge my decision as THOUGHTLESS & SELFISH when I witness many of THEM becoming parents NOT because it's THEIR choice, but because of a result of a thoughtless act. Pregnancy now merely reduced to a SIDE EFFECT of having sex instead of the careful, serious life choice it SHOULD BE. Whereas I gave the decision an EXCRUCIATING amount of thought. I mean...seriously...it's a question I've weighed in my mind since I was around 8 years old, if THAT says anything to ya.

As far as being "selfish" for not wanting kids, I know there are SOME childfrees out there who actually fit the descrip. however I feel many of my reasons ARE NOT self-based...and the pisser is, many of the people who judge ME as selfish for MY reasons for NOT having kids are THEMSELVES selfish in THEIR reasons for HAVING them!

To illustrate an example, here's a little exercise you can try at home, boys & girls. This might help give you a little insight on what I mean. If you have a list of what you feel are THE BEST reasons for having kids, go on ahead and make that list, only THIS TIME EXCLUDE the words "I WANT...". For extra credit, exclude the words "I", "me", "my" or "myself"...



Stumped? Yeah...



If you can come up with at least 1 or 2 reasons EXCLUDING those words (coming up with 3 would SHOCK me), then (as far as I can tell), odds are you are parent-material. Kudos to you. Bust out the confetti. Roll out the party wagon *lol*

If you CAN'T, then that indicates to me your reasons for having kids ARE self-based, as (according to MY experience) hearing a reason to have kids that DON'T start out with "I want", "myself", "I" or involve any variation of the word "me" is as rare as a unicorn that farts rainbows...Now, this is NOT pointed out to shame you for having kids for the wrong reasons. What can I say about that? It is what it is. Nor is any of this intended to alienate or insult any of my childed friends. I'm only saying that if this is indeed the case with you, you forfeit your right to judge me on my supposed selfishness and therefore must STFU.




I've experienced alot of judgement and hatred for my decision to not have kids, and I really can't understand why. The word "childfree" seems to evoke such negative feelings among the general public for some reason. And myths such as childfree=child HATRED (SO NOT true as far as I'm concerned!). To me childfreedom is simply a CHOICE! Being "childfree" DOES NOT in ANY WAY say that it's WRONG to have kids. It simply says it's wrong for THAT INDIVIDUAL to have kids, for reasons that are all their own. I'm saying people should not automatically assume that one should have children just because they CAN. And I'm saying that subscribing to the belief that the ability to parent is an INBORN trait, like learning to walk, is RIDICULOUSLY, INCREDIBLY WRONG!!! It's a MYTH and it needs to end NOW! It's hard-wired in a human's brain to mate, but we all know reproduction/parenting are NOT interchangeable things. Parenting is a SKILL that MUST BE LEARNED. People so easily mistake one's set of working parts for qualifications/credentials for being a parent. Now THAT'S pretty THOUGHTLESS if you ask ME! The ability to parent is a learned skill, and it's one that not everyone is naturally...well, a "natural" at doing. Childfreedom means simply opting out of parenthood. More often than not, it's usually done AFTER PAINSTAKING consideration. It's ironic to me how many people become parents without taking a fraction of the consideration a childfree takes in deciding not have kids.


I know better than to stereotype all parents as self-indulgent, egocentric, thoughtless, wasteful, ignorant breeders. I know that many are, but it would be wrong & unfair for me to say ALL of them ARE. By the same token, I know not all childfrees make their choice out of consideration of the future (as I do). The ugly truth is, stereotypes still exist only because there are enough living examples that exist to reinforce them. In the few childfrees I have managed to find, there's a small sliver of them who really ARE douchebags that I DO NOT wish to associate with! Some who really ARE child-hating, self-absorbed SNOBS who are NO fun & pretentious as FUCK! Not to mention, I've heard enough bad experiences about that annual childfree convention (and the kinds of people who attend them) to keep me away. And have you ever joined a childfree social gathering? One word: yawn! *lol*

So, the idea that childfree=the belief that having kids is wrong isn't QUITE accurate. Nothing's wrong with having kids so long as it's for the right reasons and you go in KNOWING EXACTLY WHAT the HELL YOU'RE DOING!!! I don't personally AGREE with the decision to have kids, but as an individual who's free to make their own choice, I respect that and (unless my opinion is asked) I leave them alone (I wish I were treated with that same respect). In my mind, it's more about encouraging PREVENTION of what might be a not-so-great decision and/or AT LEAST a little INTELLECTUAL HESITATION about the decision than saying "I hate kids!!! Parents=dumbshits!!!" . So I don't get how someone like me gets treated as a VILLIAN or a THREAT. Perhaps I'm a bitter reminder of the freedom they traded off on what they might now feel is a bum deal? Perhaps I'm viewed as a living antithesis to their "values" and "ideals", and that makes them uncomfortable??? (well, boo-freaking-hoo!*lol*) Perhaps they see someone like me as a wrench in their quest to find reinforcement/assurance/approval for their life choices (which is a bullshit cop-out to look ANYWHERE OUTSIDE OF YOURSELF for)??? Well, what do you want me to say? Sorry? *lol* That's just not happening. There's nothing to apologize for. If I wanna be free, I gotta be me!

Oh, and one last thought on the concept of what TRUE SELFISHNESS IS...
Oscar Wilde, an author/poet WAY ahead of his time, and who is one of my favorites, spoke about selfishness. He said something along the lines of: "Selfishness ISN'T living in however manner YOU wish to live, TRUE selfishness is wishing for OTHERS to live in whichever manner YOU wish to live"...Think about THAT one if ever you feel the urge to sell the idea of "the joys of parenthood" (or attempt to guilt me, judge me, coerce me, or tell me how selfish I am for wanting no part of it) to someone like me...